today, tomorrow, yesterday

i'm dumb-founded, i was mocked with everything that i was hoping. it turns out that the truth that was moved in-front of me was devastating. i can't handle this thing anymore and i think it's for my sake to end my soft side for her. i can't tolerate this prolonged hopelessness. she was to great for my, too much sometimes it hurts. :(

she is cool and understood everything that i told her, she listens to me and i love everytime she predicts every word i utter though it's completely wrong (which is hilarious). i like how she stares at something that she really like and then gets it while all she did was say that she wish she have it. i love how she makes faces when she is confused or got irritated, i like how she sing things that is completely out of tune, and how she likes a person so much that sometimes it hurts. i hate it when she doesn't consider me as a friend though i'm always available to help her. i hate it when she is still shy whenever i'm offering my services for her (school stuff don't think weird). I hate her one time when she told someone else about someone who it thought that it was me (because of the similarities) but it turns out some freaky guy. if there is one thing that i super duper hate about her is that she makes things that will always make me remember her.

she is the reason why i change, she made me take things at risk so that i'll know what it feels like to love this cruel but always right (yeah right) world. but i shoukd have known better. the world doesn't make a sense to agitated people like me. i found it at it's worst, i should have seen it in a very simple and appreciative side, like how a fool does. *sigh*

anyhow, i'll try to forget this shitty ass girl, even if it takes me a long time. hell from where i came from this is nothing compare to CDx (from which i failed! thanks to that smart ass perky sneaky b!tch!) *sigh* damn... i wish this ends now, i'm tired of pretending to be okay with this kind of life. my life is like the movie rocket science.......... BUMMER

cross out the fucking yes man list!

i just realized that i have this certain disease that can't seem to fail me to drive my self esteem and my desires to a maximum level. i have this kind of thing that can convert my shity side into something powerful and unstoppable... i think.

i hate when i realize that what i have been doing was wrong.. i have been desperate, naive and self-fish.. but for now on, i will keep on changing... heck i don't need people for me to live... i can live on without them. my life has it's own limits, though i have met them, i don'thave plans on giving up for myself, once i'm done repairing myself, i will be happy soon, not sinistrous plan, but with faith in me. that was what i'm lacking of.

i will be okay soon... i promise.... this is for you man on the mirror...

love drunk part 3

have you ever been sad before? hey can i an be emo for awhile? it's been years since i last sung my heart and mind out... can't find a perfect time to express myself these days because i have been busy making others spit there misery out by having a laugh trip time with them.

I have never been okay, my mind wants to rest from all that mind games of hiding this "rot bag"; i asked if you have been sad because i want you to relate with me, not the kind of something emo sad i want you to be sad for nothing and the reason from this thread, which is something frustrating to think about with no obvious answers. i asked because like everyone else and like my title says it's a love related thingy.

why can't i be contented with what i have right now. though i'm lacking of something to put
beside my fingers, though i'm not hugging someone, though i'm not spending the rest of my time texting a special someone, though i'm not happy, though these things makes a melancholy vibe to myself but i accept everyone who will laugh about this.

i help people out from of there misery, i kept on telling them "how can that person love you if you don't love yourself, it's hard to fill a broken bucket. love means you love the same thing, if that person loves you, love yourself too. it will make them easier to love you and make them feel good about themselves." but how can i be like that if i can't even have an inspiration to do so? it's not like i'm asking to much, but it's been years of hiding. i have been strong but not long enough to reach the other end of my dark time. and it goes to show that i messed up big time, it's pathetic but rational for us to ask for help when it's been long after you fell at the cold cruel floor.

if there's anyone who could cheer me, will that be because i put this thing here? you guys must be laughing your ass off (which i will probably do so after a long time) but this is the only thing i know to put a helping for myself. like in a war i am like the noob guy who always get most of the shots but still live to get some more the next day. naive as you call it, atleast i made your time well spent...

thanks for the effort...

profound solution to all of my problems

i'm 20 yrs old play safe dude who is dying to have some fun, and this thrive has been diverted to food. I do not blame myself nor anything that has brought me down to my size. I believe it's only natural to go for the second best. Many people blame themselves whenever they commit mistakes. some changes to passive into aggressive type of people, few of them just walks away and let go, and others makes a total non-sense of themselves like me but this is the end of it all.

Im developing something profound that even i does not totally understand. i'm testing my project to everyone. it does not project harm or show stress. it's like a verbal-non verbal drug which is given by action, reacts by respond and results to something that i don't know... i haven't totally tested it yet. but i have managed to gather some facts about it.

Anyway i notice my body have changed. im not fat anymore, i'm fat-macho now. but im losing lbs too, this christmas i was able to lose 3 lbs but that was before noche bueno,. (i know right my weight is now i think screwed again.) but the best thing i had this year is the idea that will changed me forever... i'm slowly becoming new. both physical and mental, i hope this is good though

for my friend...

this is for you, and this is what i'm trying to tell kanina, but i was trying to make you try to laugh again kasi these times are kind of rough, let me write things na lang, para mejo mas maiintindihan mo din, i know naman na you always wanted to read, so here read this i made this one for you.

play that thing muna pala hehe..

"kotse"

May mga maliliit na bagay na kinatutuwa ko tungkol sa iyo,
Mga bagay sila na kung minsan kinaiinisan ko din dahil gawa mo,
ibig ko ngayon sana ipaalam ang mga bagay na sana pala ay sinabi ko,
Nagkakamali din kasi ako, nadaanan mo pala ito sana pala nakinig ako sa'yo.
makinig ka sana kasi di ko na uulitin ang mga sinasabi ko.

Kung minsan napapasigaw ako sa harap mo,
di ko kayang itago ang inis at yamot dahil sa pagtatanong mo,
Pero nakakatawang isipin na madali lang pala ang gagawin ko,
sasagutin ko lang pala sila tulad ng ginawa mo noong bata pa ako.
nadidinig mo ba ha? makinig ka dahil para sayo ito.

nakakatuwang isipin na importante ka pala sa akin,
importanteng tulad ko para sa iyo ay lubos pa,
sana talaga ay maunawaan mo itong lahat ng aking dalangin,
dahil kung mauulet pa ito ay sobrang minsan pa.
susubukan kong dasalan ka araw araw ama...
di mo man ako makita dahil nakapikit na ang iyong mata,
di mo man ako maramdaman dahil wala ka na,
di mo man ako marinig dahil malayo ka na,
gusto ko lang sabihin at isigaw... mahal na mahal kita ama.


sorry ha, mejo kung ayaw mo nito buburahin ko agad...

new year random plans that must be done!

Lately i've been thinking about my wishes and plans, and i realized that i have been doing too much effort to please people, make them like my presence and appreciate what i can share to whatever idea i come up too. It wasn't long until i had a big project plan that i've randomly thought of to make my next year fun and enjoyable. This project is inspired by the series called "hi!, my name is Earl" which the "bida" has a list of his atonement project to the people he have hurt because he believe that karma is out to get him and a movie yes man starred by Jim carrey as carl and zooey deschannel. I know this sounds silly but you have to admit, good thoughts, conduct and deeds never hurts anyone, plus it's not "baduy" to do this amen?.

1.) save P10,000.00
2.) lose 40 freaking lbs.
3.) have a cool set of abs.
4.) cheer a lonely random person out from his/her depression.
5.) save an individual from an anticipated trouble.
6.) be heard from a radio station.
7.) host a party.
8.) play a song for an individual.
9.) learn how to sing.
10.) have a final grade of 90.
11.) learn how to master the arts of being a smooth PUA.
12.) smile to everyone for a whole day.
13.) hug people when they need it.
14.) drink with someone who needs company.
15.) get fucking drunk.
16.) learn how to drive a sedan car. (why sedan? that's because i always end up driving trucks and multicabs)
17.) buy something expensive for my family and a friend.
18.) make it through the year without pissing someone off, except stupid people.
19.) say the "L" word directly to someone i "L" the most.
20.) go to a kissbone concert.
21.) learn how to box.
22.) buy a freaking electric guitar.
23.) give a gift to someone.
24.) make someone very very happy.
25.) ask someone out for a date and give her a good time.
26.) accept the fact that love is found outside the school. (only applicable for myself)
27.) win something.

to be continued.. sheesh.. i'm assessing things first before i i write things here, for some reason i'm thinking of something more daring and cool.. hehehe..

RANDOM random

"i'm freaking human and rational, there is no need to teach me because i can learn from mistakes, and through that i enjoy life."

I was with riza yesterday, and i had quite a blast because i was hoping to put my mind off the org. it was an opportunity for me to talk with a person who can understand perfect randomness, we shared a lot of things that people often say "huh!?, anu yan?, that's weird!" and the infamous "cool! meron palang ganitong kanta?, ay bakla pala yung artist.." not to mention, "shit! where can i have one of those??". we are like transformers but in a form of super photocopied humans, the type who searches for potential cause of coolness and artistic beauty in the form of art, music, literature, and also the interesting pile of shit, "humans".

we are always looking for the best, not the most perfect but the present best, the ones that are new to the world, Riza puts the songs in the best mood possible, like an OST of sorts. I, in other hand put serious shorts in it, i'm a self proclaimed director and that's what i do.

So, I Demand for all those weirdos in the world to come in my little basement. where we can look at the world with our hidden sinister plans, we can make a fight club of our own, with me as a tentative tyler durden, so why hide our puny little power, if we can all share our power to be protected and demand change in this world!. Viva Project Mayhem! ach-tung! LOL

so... if you guys wanna be like me, (a sitcom filled soloist randomist), check yourselves if you already are:

• you never fail to ask your friends with a random question.
• always refer to youtube for answers.
• you hate people that present themselves as a RPG character (with effin' childish movements which is not cool.)
• has a habitual social suicide happenings.
• you have no secret to hide from the world that it sucks.
• you read minds really well that it sucks.
• you have infinite patience, like the ones at Gameshark codes, but you always forget to turn it off.