antipara's basement

one night madness!

2011-12-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

so ano ngayon ang problema ko?, ganito kasi yun... kakatapos lang ng nursing licensure examination ngayon 2011 at ginanap ang exam ko nun sa letran... sa totoo lang nakakakaba hanggang ngayon ang mga nangyari ng panahon na yun... wala namang putukan o disgrasyang nangyari.. ang akin lang... masyado lang kasi mapayapa yung araw na iyon.. namamayagpag ang mga isip ng tao, yung mga bulong nila sa hangin ng pabalang ay nakakatakot gawa ng di mo nga malaman laman kung ano talaga ang possibleng mga tanong na lalabas sa exam.

ang dami kong preparasyong ginawa, tatlong buwan akong nagbasa ng mga sinulat ko sa review center, madaming chicks at madami din mukhang kukupalin ka. pero dedma lang ang trip nilang gawin kasi gusto namin lahat magaral.

Sa totoo lang di madali mag-aral... masaya kasi sa baon, may mga kaibigan, may napupuntahan, at ang araw mo may napupundaran. kaso mo sa review nga lang... araw araw may dadanasin kang halo-halong hirap na gusto mong pagsikapan na mawala. kung minsan pa nga eh parang gusto mo na lang na matapos ang lahat at maging ano pa man ang resulta eh iindahin mo na basta mawala lang.. kaso hindi sobrang iba ang pamamalakad nila sa ganito at ito ito ang mga shit dito.

1.) di yan parang long exam na kapag natapos ka, after 1 week may resulta na... mag-aalala ka muna talaga ng 1-2 buwan bago mo makuha ang resulta.

2.) may shit na mangyayari jan.. kahit acceptable na pass yung grade mo meron pa talaga silang protocol na gagawin o may follow-up obstacle na mangyayari para magiba ang grading pattern... malas mo kung alam mong pasang awa ka lang lagi tulad ko T.T

3.) at nagsayang ka ng less than P20,000.00 para lang sa exam (+review at registration) kapag lumagpak ka.

4.) AT YUNG SOCIAL STRESS GALING SA KAPITBAHAY, CLASSMATE AT BATCHMATE MO SA IBANG LUGAR!!! NGGGGFFFhhhHH FUCK!

madami pa talagang shit dito eh :( pero unfortunately ayoko munang puntahan yun kaso ayoko muna ulet kabahan :( kaya ito na lang gagawin ko ... *poofff

Tikman muli

2011-10-15T07:36:00.001-07:00

"medyo may katagalan na din ako ng maggawa ko yun sa sarili ko, nailagay sa isang pangyayari na wala ng atrasan... nalagay ko ang sarili ko sa isang bagay na alam ko naman talagang pagdadaanan at kakailanganin ko... kaso napaaga ako... at ngayon ay parang mandadaraya na ako para lang makuha yun"

Minsan ba naisip mo ng mamasyal sa malayong lugar? malayong malayo para man lang maramdaman mo na wala ka muna sa mundo mong bitter-bitteran ka? diba oo? hayup kasi madalas naman ako nagaabot ng kamay ng tulong sa mga humihingi ng tulong sa akin, pero yung simpleng magtanong man lang kung ako ba may problema wala eh.. kailangan ko munang idaan sa madramang murahan bago pa sila magrereact na "pare di ko alam". ang labo din kasi ng utak ko eh... kung kailan nag aalok na sila ng "ano nangyari? anong problema?" ang nababanggit ko na lang ay "wag mo na alamin, kasi di ko din sasabihin" oo wala akong plano magsabi... naging ganyan na ako kasi napabayaan na ako sa tagal sa kakahila paloob ng mga nararamdaman ko... di na ako masaya magisa.... nakikita mo lang sila araw araw na napapatawa mo ay nakakairita na kasi di ka naman talaga nila iniintindi... ang alam lang nila ay... andyan ka... nakahandang magmukang gago para lang mabuo araw nila... tingin mo ba? kaibigan pa ba ako? o isang parti ng araw mo na di mo dapat intindihin... bihira lang talaga ako magkaroon ng makakasama para sumeryoso sa akin... kailangan ko talaga ng kakausap sa akin... kaso... wala talagang may paki sa akin..... bakit ba kamo? ito ang ilan sa mga ispekulasyon ko: (at oo dawit mga close friends ko dito)

a.) wala silang paki kasi alam nilang good in nature ako... di kayang manakit ng sobra, di kayang gumawa ng karanasan ng pasadya... mapagbigay sa oras panahon at tulong, at walang plano gumawa ng pasya para magtampo ka sa akin.

b.) wala silang paki kasi alam nila madali akong daanin sa mga bagay na maliliit at pawang panandaliang mga bagay lang... (hayaan mong ipaglaban ko kung bakit ko naiisip to... may mga panahon kasi na dinadaan ko na lang sa lakad, kain, tulog, alak, papahangin at tambay ang mga bagay... madali ako makalma para lang makapagisip ng matino... pero hindi para madaan sa uto, in other words dinadaan ko na lang lagi sa tawa... para di maging big deal ang mga BIG deal)

c.) wala akong kwentang kausap, taga pakinig lang ang position ko lagi... MAGALING na tagapakinig (ito din putangina.... bakit ba story nyo lagi ang dapat natin pagusapan?, wala bang ako man lang? puta kasi kapag dadaanin na natin sa story ko putangina laging childish ang tingin nyo eh... putangina)

d.) di ako malakas magemote... (kala mo lang!... madami din akong iniisip... pwede ba total sama sama naman tayong ginawa ng diyos, at sama sama din tayong bida... pwede ba kahit minsan ikaw naman ang supporting at ako naman ang bida? laging ikaw eh)

e.) (at ito all time favorite kong pagmunimunihan.. Wala silang pakialam kasi.. di ka naman talaga tunay na kaibigan.. oo ito na kasi ang pinakapwede rason ng lahat... napagtimbangan ka kasama ng iba... nagkataon lang na mas interesting yung iba... at ikaw? tuwing wala lang mapagtripan....

may mga panahon na din ako na bumubulong sa hangin, nagpapahalata.. nagpapakadesperado sa attention na kailangan ko... kaso ano nga ba tawag sa mga ganyan?? dakilang papansin? dakilang kupal na gagawa ng mga katarantaduhan para makapuslit ng attention? di ba yun ang kadalasang tawag dun? ang tanong eh.. gusto ko ba yun?? hinde... sino ba gustong mabansagan ng mga ganyan? wala naman... sira na ako... at lalo na akong nasisira sa tagal ng hinahanap ko... sa sobrang tagal di ko na nga matandaan bakit nga ba ako ganito? baka gutom lang to... tangina gusto ko ng fishball...

munimuni

2011-10-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

"naisip mo na bang sumigaw sa loob ng iyong pagiisip na parang sigaw sa mga rakenrol na pinakikinggan mo araw araw o paminsan minsa? yung bang ang habol mo ay yung hagod na kikirot sa lalamunan mo at wala ng ibang mas magpapagaan pa ng loob mo kundi yun? oo yun nga at yun ang pakiramdam ko ngayon."

Sa buong buhay ko na lang lagi ako nabibigo, at ako nga talaga ang may sala nito... di ang diyos di ang mga tao sa paligid ko, hindi yung punyetang yero sa bubung na nagiingay kapag may ulan, lalong di yung bitter lagi na tindero/tindera sa mga tindahan dito sa amin... ako lang at ako lang ang may sala. sa exams lagi akong olats.. pangako at mga hamon? laging talunan (pwera kung sobrang sigurado na panalo ako) sa dami ng gusto ko sabihin di ko tuloy matukoy kung paano ko siya ipaparating... gusto ko na din subukan ito ng paraan pero madami din talagang makitid na utak ang sadyang lalapit sa iyo at maangengealam... di hamak naman na alam ko ang iniisip ko at balak kong gawinm di ko lang talaga gusto muna magisip magisa habang may kasama, hindi yung may isasama ako tapos magbibigay ng payo... hay nako..,

pero di na kita papaliguy liguyin pa... tungkol to sa pagmamahal ko at di tulad ng iba sasabihin ko bitter ako.. pero mas iba ang kantang gagawin natin para di ka mairita masyado sa kaasiman na gagawin ko.. handa ka na? kuha ka muna ng kantang magpapakuha sa iyo ng mood... (preferably yung mga kantang pang hopeless romantic).

Malabo silang tao.. unfair, pero sa kabila nun parang yun ata ang tipo kong babae... madalas sa kabardahan ko ang hanap eh babaeng makinis ang balat, mabango, di balahura, may mabangong buhok, magandang ngiti at kakaibang bahagi na nagpapangibabaw sa madaming tao.. wala kaming tipo sa maganda na ang tipo namin halos puro yung mga may potential maging maganda. kaya lang naman talaga namin mas napapansin ang mga ganitong klase ng babae kasi sa palagay lang namin na blanko pa ang buhay nila at pwede namin sila tulungan ito sa pagkulay kasama na buhay namin... lahat sila halos may ganung babae sa buhay.. may mga masayang bahagi at meron din namang masamang bahagi pero kahit di man yun kasama sa pinaplano nilang buhay pagibig.. meron pa din silang sinunod dun sa gusto nila... at yun ay ang pagkakaroon ng kasama. naisip ko to ng maglakad ako mula sa dating ortaleza sa tramo nichols papuntang mrt taft... madaming magkakakasama... magirog na, magasawa, bagong gelpren at boypren, mga nagliligawan at mga MU. malamang ako hindi dumaan sa ganyan.. at nagdududa na talaga ako sa itsura ko...

nakakainggit talaga ang mga nagkakaroon.. kaya ko naman talaga kung mapupunta ako sa babaeng di ko tipo... oo tama ka babaeng hindi ko naman talaga gusto, pero di ko siya ginagawa kasi di naman ako para manakit ng tao... pero sa kabila nun di na ako marunong manligaw... di naman sila pangit... sadyang mahilig lang ako sa mga babaeng malabo ang pagiisip... mga tipong may sariling mundong pinaiiral na ibang iba ang pananaw sa mundo hinahalikan ang bawat umagang makuha nila o kung di naman malayang babae di mo basta basta maiintindihan parang talagang retarded gawa ng mga sobrang cute nilang gawi. sadyang mahirap na silang hanapin ngayon kasi bukod sa description na gusto kong meron sila, meron pa din dapat silang ganda at kabaitan... kasi kung di ko idadagdag yung ganda edi sana nakipagdate na lang ako sa mga tao ng mental hospital diba?

sa totoo lang gusto ko na talagang magmahal... mga tipong itetext mo gabi gabi na may mga padawit na animo'y kabulastugan bago matulog. mga tawag na tawanan at basagan ng trip... mga tawag na sobrang importante, mga usap na magyayabangan na walang humpay pero alam nyong dalawa na halos buong buwan na kayo magkasama.. namimiss ko yung may tatawag sa akin bukod sa totoo kong pangalan na magpapataas ng balahibo ko, mga banat na mag papatawa sa akin sa oras ng kalungkutan at kadramahan, at syempre sangkaterbang pabor na iaalok sayo pero alam mong di ka naman talaga makaktanggi. sobrang namimiss ko na yung ganun... tsaka yung mga walang okasyong yakap at halik... sankaterbang pagkuha ng litrato sa utak para lang tandaan ang mga moments sa kung san san... (hanep diba?) kaso wala wala ng ganun sa akin...

kaya sa halip ng manggulo sa kung anu anung bagay sa mga kabardahan mo at kakilala, manunuod ka na lang... gagaling ka sa pagdescribe kasi sobrang naoobserbahan mo na sila ng paulit ulit... nakikita mo na sa ibang tao ang mga intensyon nila kahit nakangiti sila ng maayos at mukhang pinalaki ng maayos ng kanilang mga magugulang. naiisip mo na lang na kailangan mo lang talaga pagingatan na lang ang iyong sarili, pinalilibutan mo ang iyong sarili na kahit anong bagay na pwedeng magpaiba ng gusto isipin kaysa magpalungkot... sa ibang salita tinatabunan mo na lang ang problema mong walang di mo ginagawan ng solusyon.... maiirita ka na lang sa tagal ng pangyayari ng mga bagay sa buhay mo.. hanggang sa wala... aantukin ka na lang.. mapapagod magdrama, mahahanap ang sarili na parang tanga... nagdadrama di naman sasabihin... titingnan ang cellphone kung maghahanap ng kausap... sa halip... itutulog mo na lang... idadaan sa panaginip...

segue of the reminded

2011-06-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt so weak dirty and fallen?? and that kind of thing that you know that you have the strength to do it, but there is no kick with it to do it? i fail because i think and feel nobody cares, and nobody cares because i always fail... i tried redirecting but no... it got me stuck in the things i don't want to do.. i stick with friends but they make me so sad.... and nobody understands me... they tried pulling this thing from me... but i'm afraid of losing from this... but where infact i already lost.... i want help, i want attention, i want someone whose going to show me effort that liking me is important... my parents never trust me, my cousins i are so distant yet we try to get along... me and my brothers and sisters are not that close... i mean i can see that we value our friends than we have inside that house filled with abuse and hate. i am trapped in a world where i am becoming into someone with no future... i wish someone could save me... i want to live in a family where there is love and trust... i want to be there for my little boys or/and little girls. i will make a family which is the exact opposite of this. i know there something stuck in my head that asking me "why am i trying to be perfect? yet you knew that nobody can be perfect?", but i know deep in my heart that nobody said there a harm on trying.. i wish that inspiration will come soon... i guess we really need love......... and i need it now... and it can't wait any further.

rendering love

2011-01-23T04:17:00.000-08:00

i wondered a lot of things everyday... i have tried stopping them from reaching me in my most sensible side but.. most of the time i fail. i keep things because i know that i am the one who will have the answer just by keeping something from the past, but the problem now is i've kept so many that i can't make space for the new ones. i am not a bad guy and i know that to my heart cause with it since forever.

when i was still small, i used to believe that my life is written that i am intended to step on something because it was written by destiny as if i didn't had a choice, so that is why i kept on denying my everymove and start being unpredictable. i was like a dog chasing trucks and i don't even know what to do if i caught one. i was in the early era of my playful weird creative mind, i made a world that everything is fair. it was cool, because i always wanted the best, i always aim high yet obvious don't do as much as the goals needed to be accomplished. i got girls that i saw seemed interested but i gave them disappointments because i was weird and didn't gave a fuck HAHAHA, yet still i found so many of them yet so little. I've manage to find a satisfying few girls but gave up my chances. and ill blind item them :D (warning this is not in order)

1.) Knives chau (yep she looked like a chinese girl) knives was suprisingly entertaining. we loved to try things with or withour our parents discouragement. she helped me try things that seemed impossible for me to do. when we were little i remembered we've played with something that we shouldn't be playing hahaha but i had a blast and that was the last time i saw her.

2.) Tifa (yep FF) tifa was so white with that graceful long hair and charming smile and eyes oh god i miss having a crush on her. she was the love of my gradeschool life but i had to be martyr and gave her up as well. im just a fan of her beauty back then and yep nothing happened between her and i, well yeah nothing.

3.) Bookworm ( don't let her code name fool you, she is beautiful) i was at my era of noobness in music, i was obsess about her and yep i did crazily obsessive things, but i've managed to stop i didn't know how but yeah those were regrets, but i am pretty thankful for i now knew how it feels like to be rejected big time.

4.) black chic (gothic) she was so random yet so weird. i'm a little weird myself but she was.,.. Bizaare..O.O but i loved her, we got a discreet love that for me was there, but she got over it i guess.. and i seriously regret not courting her. i wish i did.

5.) psychopath (yes she was) i loved her perhaps more than i think. she was my first success and i was grateful. but she left me for something or for someone. i don't know. but no one can replace what she gave me... a love that i didn't ask to be that great :D

6.) Ice Bitch (because she is freaking numb) well yeah we got involve with love, and ofcourse little that she knew i was falling for her. i was interested about different songs and she was there to listen to the noise of the world to find a good one with me. i was famished when she left me, its like she got me so high i can barely feel the pain she gave me, after the high all pain came and made everysingle song in my phone and mp3 deadly.

7.) boozequeen (alcohol) yep i found love with alcohol, i've established every love story have in one night. the next thing i knew she was... a different type of wo-man... i was this <.> close from being happy and thought having a kiss but yeah... four days later no reply nothing.

8.) amazona (yep macho pretty woman) she was the reason i always get up at four in the morning to see her at the bus and stare at her face, she looks like matilda :D and she was so fun just like matilda! XD

9.) that chic (yep average) this one is a catch, if you don't have problems with bouncing balls i guess, she got me having a traumatic experience about love and frustration was felt everyday.. i was inlove with an emo.. i was happy with her but she was a hard nut to love, plus she is one those girls that i wish i did better courting than i did with her.

that's all i can think of now... but yeah there's a hell lot more.

take some garbage from my peace of mind

2011-01-16T05:27:00.000-08:00

have you ever thought of going back to your most favorite time? like going back to the ones that killing is just a hobby, and stealing is just a normal everyday fucked up, or the times that staying late at fast food restos are cool, and you dance with the duke box killing some time calling the owner of the shop "pops" HAHAHA, sounds good ey? i've always wanted to go back when it was normal to dress formally everyday, and you get to play blues outside and you are cool just by doing it everyday. i want to partake most of my time to drive a cadillac or a chevy truck and load it with milk every morning. i want to live like that, somewhat formal and fresh. without mistake and full of discovery, back when people think hairspray killing the ozone layer is a joke.

but my most favorite time was the time when people use candles for a light, wine instead of beers, books instead of television and stars and dancing leaves instead of computers and porns. i wanna go back when people value given information and able to program themselves to success. i want to ban TVs in my life so that i could learn more about the world and stop hating it. i want to let people see that people today value money than knowledge. people today are programmed to appreciate being wise than being smart and accurate about things, nobody invents today, nobody is next to a saint and everybody has been playing to sombody else's life. life is fair but its up to you if you'll fight for it. they think that tradition is more important than great and beneficial change. i want change but for some reason i don't know what to change and what needs changing. many of us think that we can never change because we are too reliant to what our elders made for us? that is so fucked up. we are the children, we are the youth, we are future. if this is the future? where's the greener side from before then? nothing? just an old grass painted green thats what! covering there shitty failures and allow "the next generation" to deal with it. and more failures to leave making their future shitty too. well im not up for that.

i thank them with all my heart for the entertainment they have taught us, the knowledge they seem to teach frigidly (no offense but i know there has to be more entertaining way to teach math than stuff animals teaching math), and the value of money. i don't hate the old or my elders, what i hate was the mistake they've done and not a single young soul like me even notice it. i love to live in a world of order and respect than to live like its amazing and fun now but zombieland for a future (fosho!). i want to give a more refining approach about everything that might come to their lives. i want them to see what's the true meaning of living you own life. being honest about what you want and like and aiming for it, then do something about it.

anyways this is how it ends today. im trying to change. my weight, my interest and skills. hope you guys do too. :D

Hooray rain!

2011-01-14T22:08:00.000-08:00

i am not in my best to speak yet theres a lot from me that has to be heard. a few of them are about to be typed in a box in front of you, i'll try not to speak about love and stuff that leads to it HAHAHAHA..

but its hard... dayum.. okay uhmmm.. i am now thinking of a reason why should i be leaving my net hours and make space for my fitness hours, actually, i have lose some weight before because of the natural way, i have no motivation back then and i want my comments before, and i have regrets that i am now back from the beginning and it feels shitty, everybody has been asking why be fatter? and i have no idea why....

in losing weight back then i have device a mindset, routine, and diet for myself to have it all worked out. it may seem a bit a normal thing to do, but mind you, its hard. losing weight is a harsh thing to do to yourself especially if your are starting. lets count my ideas shall we?:

1.) dont be shy about exercise and diets - show everybody that you have no pride against it, you are guilty that you need to lose weight and you are helping yourself by being honest, help yourself to understand more about diets and exercise to make it work, and make it work hard.

2.) you just have to limit yourself.. from thinking - don't think about diet and exercise, diets are only to be thought when its time for eating, to remind you that extra spoonful of food has to be stopped. and exercise is only to be thought when its free time and you can do it. don't stress yourself, remember if you want to do something everyday, make it fun.

3.) control yourself not by food and body - sharpen yourself with exercise sweat, its the only best way to cut pounds and sharpen your look, remember your body has only a few years to look sharp and presentable, if your reading this you are probably 20 or 30 above, was it 30 years already of you being fat? want to to add more fat years? and food can be so delicious but eat it when you need it, not want. breath heavy whenever you know your done and needs to stop, breathing heavily helps you think clearly.

4.) don't overuse and pollute you body. i know it might be hard for you to stop drinking or smoking, but you must stop it and so are being lazy, late sleeping, vices and etc. should be stopped. you must be in your best condition everyday, to accomplish everything.

5.) read, write, sing or do whatever should be awesome, be not to be the source of boredom. be the source of epicness and awesomeness, because if you became bored, it would be not long for you to think about eating that is not super cool.

6.) stay sane in the dining table eat after 4-5 hours to better facilitate food metabolism. this helps you know!

7.) atleast have 45mins - 2 hours of exercise daily, of course must i say aim for more?

8.) the best time to eat is when you full. how do you make yourself full without eating a large amount of food?, small frequent meals?, water therapy?, herbs?, different food?, use your strategy wisely, and don't stick to one, research about everything about it.

9.) focus on somethng different everyday. you could like focus on abs today, or focus on a different diversion from food. do everything ber determined. atleast you don't think about the things that made you fat before, this might sound silly than thinking about your losts and bullshits in life, but atleast you will be happy soon. right?

10.) be patient, you can be healthy and fit soon after 6 months or 2 years who know!?,.. it depends on how hard you do.

that is just a few of them., you should be doing something now...

11.) don't sit when you surfing the net, chances are you''ll sit your hours in front of the computer..

12.) write your accomplishments if there's no people appreciates you, give it one vote of appreciation. let it be yu, and it's just a start.

ENJOY!!! :D lets do this together followers!

So i got deeper on this deep shit?

2011-01-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

i can never be the same man i was before right after i met her, she got me so high she gets through my head almost every minute, and when i'm dull and idle she gets in my head like she's the owner of it. i kind of like in the first phase but it fucking hurt me when i got in the second and third phase, and i wish i'm in my terminal phase about her.

so what does she got that made me crazily obsess about her?, is it her hair that moves anywhere she wants them to be? or is it her pale white skin that i makes her look like a cool gothic chic?, her cool nails of many colors like a mood ring? her cute sweeet gestures whenever she walks by to someone she knew? her great smile and laughter when she's with me, the small conversation and wierd stuff we did (not the other wierd stuff, comon?!) that only two of understood?, or the things i desperately shared and she reacted to me like i totally made no sense but it was cool cause for some reason she made sense to me... she really rocked my world and with that she was one in a million for me, yes of course there is a lot of girls out there that might make me drool or act of fool in front of them, but she is pretty something. there were times that i needed her and she needed me, i offered a few things and she offered a lot of things too. (i should ban green minded people) i totally appreciate the things that made me honored to be noticed by her, and for no one has broken a lot of walls and stop signs in my territory of solitude.

what happened? hmmm.. let's just say i don't really understand, i planned of confessing and giving her hints about what i think we were building, but... i don't know, maybe its just me, maybe i was too vulnerable for her that i thought our hands were coming all together. i never thought i'd be this emotional about it. she keeps on displaying her likes about other people her sweet finds about others which is completely not me, no resemblance no nothing, i was like chopping onions man, the more i chop and chop and see more chopped onions the more eye soring for me, there's a handfull of times that signaled for a perfect timing, i good opportunity. but i always choked because of her numbness on me and sensitivity to other men. i was obsess-drunk about her, she was playful she was like a wisp or a fairy that played me. but since men got pride i displayed her that everything is fine about me, and things that you deliver will be properly recognized, and in the end of it all, all i got was a heartache and and eyesored memory, me being alone and her being in a relationship.

what i'm anticipating and plans?, i got no plans... im giving up, i can't wait because that's pathetic, i can't fight because there is no more to fight for, and i can't be with her that long for her to realize things. i hate myself being this way, totally vulgar but can't do shit about it, my hindrance is myself and my motivation is coming out from a brokenheart. i got drunk so many times that i even made a fool out of me, tried to restart my diet and workout but im too weak to do it, im broken, damaged and pathetic. and if i would want to find another girl who would want a personality like that??? Imaginary girls!.... (sigh) the bottom line for me to give to you guys and girls... hmmm.. take the experiences that chance gave you, there's nothing wrong to try nad give your best on it, and be merry for whatever it is... it's epic and awesome. and for her, (i'm thinking that she maight read this shit.) i think i'm starting to be happy for you, and i'll promise i wont do anything fishy around you and i'll promise not to anticipate anything and i want you to know that for me, thanks for making my world bearable I love you and yes buy me the damn drink already! and for myself.... instead of value-ing this failure.. i guess i should move on, and be awesome again and save this tears for someone else now.. like knives chau said "i'm too cool for you anyway so go now ...bitch HAHAHA joking try to understand HAHAHAH XD

a letter of human to another human being

2010-08-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

hey,
if you are now reading this letter, i must say this is like the ones you have found that says "filipinoes sends their deepest apologies" to you guys only a little bit simple and with less agitation.

it so happens that i'm a filipino, I'm not shy or ashamed about it, in fact i'm proud to be one. the thing is, i just wanna give you my personal way of saying sorry, if only our countries are so adjacent and if you would let me i'll make sure i'll give my most sincere apology to every people of your country i'll come across. we didn't expect all of it to happen, it's a honest mistake but we do know that lives are so precious that god gave it to us to spend only once, and we can't put up with the lost that mad man made (which is that mad police man), there's just times in our lives that we are caught off-guarded and it's gonna hurt were it hurt the most. like you guys, we can't do something about our situation about you and your disappointment to us, and if that is the only way to save the thousands of friendships of our people, then we are willing to take our punishment as a man.

honestly, I'm not that of a religious man, but i've been praying for your people. and everyday i'm hoping someone would say it's gonna be okay for us. i wish i could give a lot of help to you guys.. i really mean that. i'll help you people in everyway i know like human to another human should... again we are sorry.

realization again... :D

2010-05-30T02:03:00.000-07:00

after a lot of exercise, power diet and diet drugs (the good kind) i suddenly realize that i've been so far out, i never thought i've do something that i can't do, something that i can't accomplish, something that no one would dare to do... trying to please everyone is impossible believe me people.

that kind of thing is full of suprises, sometimes it suprises you sometimes you suprise them, for sometimes you just can't click with them so you're just gonna have to do something about it. i never done something that i've never thought i'd do, i was in a journey to be accepted in that lonely community, i was with the mobsters, boys in the hood, the hotties, the bitches, the nerds and most importantly the populars or the cool people. i can now dance in front of a teacher if i want to, shout in the top of my lungs outside that community if i want to, and run like a thief in front of boring people if i want to... except i only like to these things only if i'm bored, and let me tell you, it's a pretty damn boring community LOL.

i've gone to places i've never thought i'd reach, i never thought i can be a lawyer and save so many people, i've been a decoy, i've been a hero and i've been the villain. it's all part of the plan as everyone would say, but these fun things are just a piece of my journey to be accepted, and it's been the typical i want to have a life that feels so good, and so different from people. i want to show people that everyone has the power to give themselves a chance, try and try as long as they want to, and deserve the goal they worked so hard to achieve, yes people.

-to be continued-

the tragic of my episode with you

2010-04-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

first time i saw you i said she is cute, with the smile that can tremble me down.
with the eyes that see my insides that burst like the ones in the movies that makes me happy.
you got all the qualities that i ever wanted to anyone in this world.
you made me forgot about my self and go on have fun with you.
but mistakes are scattered like air and that makes this fucked up.
i only made one mistake that leads everything so super bitter.
and that was loving you.
sure i do love everytime we are together.
i never asked of someone like you in my life but i ended up treasuring you and you did the same.
we didn't really love each other because we made a pact to not to.
but everything you did was like luring me to have you.
it was like you wanted me to...
you already ruined me, but i pressed on with it..
why did you have to do it again??...
i want to forget you but you fill my world about you.
and now everytime i wake, my day reminds me of you.
i can't give you love like what all of those people can give.
all i'm capable of doind is make you feel good again or happy
i am the caretaker of your vulnerable heart.
but you kept on giving it to someone else....
i like you, you like me and you need me.
i like you needing me to like you to need you
now i need you.. and now you don't need me...
i guess this means goodbye.

sorry for this pathetic things that i posted people.. nobody wants to hear it kasi.. goonmorning i have to sleep now.

poem shit

2010-04-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

*tama na*

sa pinto ng kotse nakatingin habang dinadaanan ng mga ilaw sa labas,
sa isip naman nakatanga habang bumibilis ang oras,
sa gitna ng madilim na kalye
sa loob ng tumatakbong kotse,
punyeta saan ba ako tatanga?
para lang makalimutan ka.

mahirap pumikit dahil mukha mo nakikita ko,
mahirap tumawag dahil naaawa na ako sa sarili ko,
bakit ba tuwing may tutunog sa telepono,
ipinapanalangin ko na boses mo maririnig na tono.
di ko na gusto ang trip ng puso ko,
puro paawa na di ko naman talaga gusto.

pagbaba sa kotse,
sabay tingin sa bintana ng bahay,
wala ng oras para umatubili,
kumabig sa dibdib naglalantang gulay,
lumabas ka sa pintong nasa harap ko.
sa loobloob ko ang sabi ko "putang ina ko"
pero nandyan ka na..
masaya at tamang ganda..
simple at nakakatuwa.
nakakainis na nakakatawa.
matsatsaga ba kita?
maayos na ulit ang lahat...
sa pinagiisip ng hirap,
at sa dinami-daming magandang alaala.
ang pagiisip ng mga ganito? ewan ko.
mas importante ka tama na.

here in my room :(

2010-02-15T07:11:00.000-08:00

I made a commitment awhile ago, and that was about my hopes of achieving most of my achievements before i end up being lonely.

i was devastated about my life lately, i can't seem to find where i last saw my fun drive. i kept on having these sudden thoughts about why shouldn't i be happy or something, i can't really explain it but it gets me down all the time.

i guess what really gets me down is the idea that i can't really get what i want even if the whole road to my goal is easy. my mind is keeping me from easy things and wants me to walk to the hardest and i guess both the peculiar path and hard level tends to bring me failure which is kind of the reason that gets me down. but i figured that if i keep on hoping inside myself that the world might change someday maybe, just maybe i will be alright and fit well on this so-called "beautiful world".

many of my friends doesn't really understand me, believe me i don't really mind. because for starters i always believe that there is really something wrong on how i show my true self. it might be because i'm really that weird inside my thoughts. second is all about my ability to hide my opinion on things. it's like they don't really know why and how i care about things and to be honest it's more than they think it is.

but tonight i'm giving my life one more chance, i'm restarting my whole life and approach every obstacles with one step at a time, i maybe a failure now but, nobody said we can't restart our lives, i'm gonna start over and leave everything behind except every experience that might come very handy. and instead of being a good PUA alone, i'll be a great PUA with a background of BU mastery! tell me ain't that be greaT!? well time is up, i have to go... ill post something shortly!

today, tomorrow, yesterday

2010-01-25T05:13:00.000-08:00

i'm dumb-founded, i was mocked with everything that i was hoping. it turns out that the truth that was moved in-front of me was devastating. i can't handle this thing anymore and i think it's for my sake to end my soft side for her. i can't tolerate this prolonged hopelessness. she was to great for my, too much sometimes it hurts. :(

she is cool and understood everything that i told her, she listens to me and i love everytime she predicts every word i utter though it's completely wrong (which is hilarious). i like how she stares at something that she really like and then gets it while all she did was say that she wish she have it. i love how she makes faces when she is confused or got irritated, i like how she sing things that is completely out of tune, and how she likes a person so much that sometimes it hurts. i hate it when she doesn't consider me as a friend though i'm always available to help her. i hate it when she is still shy whenever i'm offering my services for her (school stuff don't think weird). I hate her one time when she told someone else about someone who it thought that it was me (because of the similarities) but it turns out some freaky guy. if there is one thing that i super duper hate about her is that she makes things that will always make me remember her.

she is the reason why i change, she made me take things at risk so that i'll know what it feels like to love this cruel but always right (yeah right) world. but i shoukd have known better. the world doesn't make a sense to agitated people like me. i found it at it's worst, i should have seen it in a very simple and appreciative side, like how a fool does. *sigh*

anyhow, i'll try to forget this shitty ass girl, even if it takes me a long time. hell from where i came from this is nothing compare to CDx (from which i failed! thanks to that smart ass perky sneaky b!tch!) *sigh* damn... i wish this ends now, i'm tired of pretending to be okay with this kind of life. my life is like the movie rocket science.......... BUMMER

cross out the fucking yes man list!

2010-01-18T06:38:00.000-08:00

i just realized that i have this certain disease that can't seem to fail me to drive my self esteem and my desires to a maximum level. i have this kind of thing that can convert my shity side into something powerful and unstoppable... i think.

i hate when i realize that what i have been doing was wrong.. i have been desperate, naive and self-fish.. but for now on, i will keep on changing... heck i don't need people for me to live... i can live on without them. my life has it's own limits, though i have met them, i don'thave plans on giving up for myself, once i'm done repairing myself, i will be happy soon, not sinistrous plan, but with faith in me. that was what i'm lacking of.

i will be okay soon... i promise.... this is for you man on the mirror...

love drunk part 3

2010-01-04T05:24:00.000-08:00

have you ever been sad before? hey can i an be emo for awhile? it's been years since i last sung my heart and mind out... can't find a perfect time to express myself these days because i have been busy making others spit there misery out by having a laugh trip time with them.

I have never been okay, my mind wants to rest from all that mind games of hiding this "rot bag"; i asked if you have been sad because i want you to relate with me, not the kind of something emo sad i want you to be sad for nothing and the reason from this thread, which is something frustrating to think about with no obvious answers. i asked because like everyone else and like my title says it's a love related thingy.

why can't i be contented with what i have right now. though i'm lacking of something to put
beside my fingers, though i'm not hugging someone, though i'm not spending the rest of my time texting a special someone, though i'm not happy, though these things makes a melancholy vibe to myself but i accept everyone who will laugh about this.

i help people out from of there misery, i kept on telling them "how can that person love you if you don't love yourself, it's hard to fill a broken bucket. love means you love the same thing, if that person loves you, love yourself too. it will make them easier to love you and make them feel good about themselves." but how can i be like that if i can't even have an inspiration to do so? it's not like i'm asking to much, but it's been years of hiding. i have been strong but not long enough to reach the other end of my dark time. and it goes to show that i messed up big time, it's pathetic but rational for us to ask for help when it's been long after you fell at the cold cruel floor.

if there's anyone who could cheer me, will that be because i put this thing here? you guys must be laughing your ass off (which i will probably do so after a long time) but this is the only thing i know to put a helping for myself. like in a war i am like the noob guy who always get most of the shots but still live to get some more the next day. naive as you call it, atleast i made your time well spent...

thanks for the effort...

profound solution to all of my problems

2009-12-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

i'm 20 yrs old play safe dude who is dying to have some fun, and this thrive has been diverted to food. I do not blame myself nor anything that has brought me down to my size. I believe it's only natural to go for the second best. Many people blame themselves whenever they commit mistakes. some changes to passive into aggressive type of people, few of them just walks away and let go, and others makes a total non-sense of themselves like me but this is the end of it all.

Im developing something profound that even i does not totally understand. i'm testing my project to everyone. it does not project harm or show stress. it's like a verbal-non verbal drug which is given by action, reacts by respond and results to something that i don't know... i haven't totally tested it yet. but i have managed to gather some facts about it.

Anyway i notice my body have changed. im not fat anymore, i'm fat-macho now. but im losing lbs too, this christmas i was able to lose 3 lbs but that was before noche bueno,. (i know right my weight is now i think screwed again.) but the best thing i had this year is the idea that will changed me forever... i'm slowly becoming new. both physical and mental, i hope this is good though

for my friend...

2009-12-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

this is for you, and this is what i'm trying to tell kanina, but i was trying to make you try to laugh again kasi these times are kind of rough, let me write things na lang, para mejo mas maiintindihan mo din, i know naman na you always wanted to read, so here read this i made this one for you.

play that thing muna pala hehe..

"kotse"

May mga maliliit na bagay na kinatutuwa ko tungkol sa iyo,
Mga bagay sila na kung minsan kinaiinisan ko din dahil gawa mo,
ibig ko ngayon sana ipaalam ang mga bagay na sana pala ay sinabi ko,
Nagkakamali din kasi ako, nadaanan mo pala ito sana pala nakinig ako sa'yo.
makinig ka sana kasi di ko na uulitin ang mga sinasabi ko.

Kung minsan napapasigaw ako sa harap mo,
di ko kayang itago ang inis at yamot dahil sa pagtatanong mo,
Pero nakakatawang isipin na madali lang pala ang gagawin ko,
sasagutin ko lang pala sila tulad ng ginawa mo noong bata pa ako.
nadidinig mo ba ha? makinig ka dahil para sayo ito.

nakakatuwang isipin na importante ka pala sa akin,
importanteng tulad ko para sa iyo ay lubos pa,
sana talaga ay maunawaan mo itong lahat ng aking dalangin,
dahil kung mauulet pa ito ay sobrang minsan pa.
susubukan kong dasalan ka araw araw ama...
di mo man ako makita dahil nakapikit na ang iyong mata,
di mo man ako maramdaman dahil wala ka na,
di mo man ako marinig dahil malayo ka na,
gusto ko lang sabihin at isigaw... mahal na mahal kita ama.

sorry ha, mejo kung ayaw mo nito buburahin ko agad...

new year random plans that must be done!

2009-12-25T05:13:00.000-08:00

Lately i've been thinking about my wishes and plans, and i realized that i have been doing too much effort to please people, make them like my presence and appreciate what i can share to whatever idea i come up too. It wasn't long until i had a big project plan that i've randomly thought of to make my next year fun and enjoyable. This project is inspired by the series called "hi!, my name is Earl" which the "bida" has a list of his atonement project to the people he have hurt because he believe that karma is out to get him and a movie yes man starred by Jim carrey as carl and zooey deschannel. I know this sounds silly but you have to admit, good thoughts, conduct and deeds never hurts anyone, plus it's not "baduy" to do this amen?.

1.) save P10,000.00
2.) lose 40 freaking lbs.
3.) have a cool set of abs.
4.) cheer a lonely random person out from his/her depression.
5.) save an individual from an anticipated trouble.
6.) be heard from a radio station.
7.) host a party.
8.) play a song for an individual.
9.) learn how to sing.
10.) have a final grade of 90.
11.) learn how to master the arts of being a smooth PUA.
12.) smile to everyone for a whole day.
13.) hug people when they need it.
14.) drink with someone who needs company.
15.) get fucking drunk.
16.) learn how to drive a sedan car. (why sedan? that's because i always end up driving trucks and multicabs)
17.) buy something expensive for my family and a friend.
18.) make it through the year without pissing someone off, except stupid people.
19.) say the "L" word directly to someone i "L" the most.
20.) go to a kissbone concert.
21.) learn how to box.
22.) buy a freaking electric guitar.
23.) give a gift to someone.
24.) make someone very very happy.
25.) ask someone out for a date and give her a good time.
26.) accept the fact that love is found outside the school. (only applicable for myself)
27.) win something.

to be continued.. sheesh.. i'm assessing things first before i i write things here, for some reason i'm thinking of something more daring and cool.. hehehe..

RANDOM random

2009-12-04T04:33:00.000-08:00

"i'm freaking human and rational, there is no need to teach me because i can learn from mistakes, and through that i enjoy life."

I was with riza yesterday, and i had quite a blast because i was hoping to put my mind off the org. it was an opportunity for me to talk with a person who can understand perfect randomness, we shared a lot of things that people often say "huh!?, anu yan?, that's weird!" and the infamous "cool! meron palang ganitong kanta?, ay bakla pala yung artist.." not to mention, "shit! where can i have one of those??". we are like transformers but in a form of super photocopied humans, the type who searches for potential cause of coolness and artistic beauty in the form of art, music, literature, and also the interesting pile of shit, "humans".

we are always looking for the best, not the most perfect but the present best, the ones that are new to the world, Riza puts the songs in the best mood possible, like an OST of sorts. I, in other hand put serious shorts in it, i'm a self proclaimed director and that's what i do.

So, I Demand for all those weirdos in the world to come in my little basement. where we can look at the world with our hidden sinister plans, we can make a fight club of our own, with me as a tentative tyler durden, so why hide our puny little power, if we can all share our power to be protected and demand change in this world!. Viva Project Mayhem! ach-tung! LOL

so... if you guys wanna be like me, (a sitcom filled soloist randomist), check yourselves if you already are:

you never fail to ask your friends with a random question.
always refer to youtube for answers.
you hate people that present themselves as a RPG character (with effin' childish movements which is not cool.)
has a habitual social suicide happenings.
you have no secret to hide from the world that it sucks.
you read minds really well that it sucks.
you have infinite patience, like the ones at Gameshark codes, but you always forget to turn it off.

love drunked part 2

2009-12-02T04:15:00.000-08:00

"...frustratedly waiting, should i do something?, or just leave it be?, sadness and loneliness beckoned..."

i prefer the readers to read this with the cowboy bebop song at my music player thingy... it will help you to understand my thought about what i'm trying to say..

i am frustrated, sick and tired about this game, i really wanna get my mind off this crap, i will officially deny LOVE as a blessing, because of this crap people begun to experience more of suffering to appreciate little efforts, people is starting believe that this will give them longevity, and happiness, love is a fairy tale that may be great for people, regardless of what they saw in front of that picture, in my part.. my distant point of view where i saw a bigger picture, people saw love in it's best, and some people saw it in it's worst and i am one those guys, and i want it to end.

whenever i feel something towards a woman, i end up loving the weirdest, the most hated or the most significant one, i do not love the actual beauty of a woman, i honestly say that i always look for the qualities and uniqueness first, because these things builds up the personality and greatness that i always admire, men looks for potential beauty to make it more beautiful, unlike the actual beauty that has already been done.

i guess... there is no one out there for me, i miss being happy without this stupid crap, i hate remembering the first time i felt this crap, and i hate the things that left it for me, so... i'll be leaving this stupid world without a company came from that bullshit, my world is like staying at a cafe' house drinking coffee and waiting for someone, but then i got pissed because she didn't showed up... so i leave the house, left with a cup filled with patience hope, and of course the crap (LOVE)

random

2009-11-28T21:23:00.000-08:00

hey riz, i made this lame playlist for you, i want to add more, but i got disturbed by had a versatile
psychotremoric optional torture that is popularly named as DIE-t, well anyhow, here's what i owe you, i think you are looking for songs that tells more about your life, well i think you can find some parts of it here, this ain't over, i'll make another one for you! cheers for these kind of songs!

"Hey thanks for telling me how to be random!, im a psycho now, Neat-o!"

literary shit

2009-11-28T05:48:00.000-08:00

I want to be a director, i have so many stories that i am now too lazy to write, instead i remember them, most of them are indie, some were epic and chick flix, i have thought of some dramatic stories that most people haven't heard yet, like the story i made about two old people fell in love again after spending 50 years separated and having the most amazing and funny stories, with a little twist of close encounters, and having the most different kind of ending that i will not share!.

i am now working on two projects, the first one is all about friendship, the story goes with a boy living in average, with another boy living in his shittiest time of life, the boy wants to discover a friend to keep, the other wants to discover life before it brings him to some place that he doesn't know. The other is all about a great semi doc nurse who's in a home for the aged, he is a legend, and i entitled this as "staring at blurred faces" (because most of old people have blurry visions)

i really want to write it, but i have to share this idea to someone, i need it to be played or at least written, sigh...!! i wonder if my dream gf zooey deschanel is okay.. hahahaha am i a ambitious bastard?! hahaha if so ..!.. hihihi

random reminiscing.

2009-11-28T04:56:00.000-08:00

[try listening to collide of howie day and if i am - 9 days for you to know what's my mood]

it's been years since i have a cellphone beeping like busy food hot line, i got loads of text mates and friends, some were potential girl friends and others are good but a little off, i have been experiencing a lot of attention deficit lately, even those who i expect to listen to me doesn't even give a shit, i have grown lonely and for some reason i have develop a list of lines i have that gives me a thousand things to smile, when you ponder on the same thought of course.

1.) being the one who knows better should be the one moving faster, for the one who understands is the wise and the other man is the fool.

2.) committing mistakes becomes more of a guilt only if you knew that it was wrong.

3.) the moment you made a thought to do something best for your life is the time you made a mission to live your life to the fullest, regardless of what outcome it may be, good or bad whatsoever.

4.) saying sorry is true and effective, saying it too much makes it fake.

5.) not all stuff that you are capable to do is right.

6.) simplicity is perfection, it gives you the taste of good and bad which makes every soul in this world memorable.

7.) women suffers more than men, god made men to be more ignorant than women, what makes their relationship special is, men does something out from his ignorance for women to have comfort to anything whatsoever.

8.) don't deny love, love excuses no one.

9.) if you got dumped, get over it, you'll never know when is the next time you'll have it, so go prepare yourself.

10.) if you are hurt, try to be honest. go to the best person who knows you best "yourself", and don't lie, it doesn't keep you from pain, it keeps you with the pain.

- i don't know me anymore, sheep!, im so effin' tired of my fun life, i wanna ask someone out. like a date!

manic music download

2009-11-24T05:46:00.000-08:00

i like the songs in this movie, i love the concept of the movie and i also love the actors, especially Zooey Deschanel, she was so lovely, she depicted summers' character the way i imagined it and it was Incredible.

Summers is someone that i want to meet someday, average in all parts of her physique, but considered as a great body, has a cherry red lips, but has a energetic and cheerful smile, has a big round eyes to see and to be assertive on what she wants, and a cool hair do the type that can be worn at all occasions. She was very adorable there, and i wish to meet someone like her.

As a small time FPUC (frustrated Pick up chump) i decided to put my researching skills to be sweet, and i mean hell of sweet, the ones that are often found in chick flick movies, i wanna be spontaneous, funny, assertive and confident. but my championship belt-like fat must be removed first, i'm not aiming to be perfect, but if there is someone you think as perfect as your ideal soul mate, it's only fair to meet in the middle of expectations.

about my fatness, people say that i've lost some, isn't that super?! i guess my efforts have come to bare fruits, i feel motivated! woohoo!

"I am Looking for love, and i believe there is nothing wrong with that, and if you think that this is cheesy, why is that so? since when did love became uncool?" - don.

FEATHERS - coheed and cambria

2009-11-20T18:48:00.000-08:00

wow! this is a good song!.. this is exactly what i feel! i feel great, wtf!! haha... i wish i can do more for this back porche baby of mine, sheet... the bottom line of story today is... "i like her, she like him, i love her, but she loves him, i love her but she doesn't know, she loves him and i know, she loves him but the guy doesn't know.. so i stopped being so ambitious and moved on... or at least i think i moved...

this song reminds me of her, and i believe it's a part of my comic book like life where i tell her good things to pursuit her longing to this guy, it's freaking obvious that i don't belong to her, but i always get a good moment with her, and i always tend to say things to her to make her feel comfortable with anything, she loves me that's for sure, but the relationship is not love, it's something different, it's all good no harm done, everybody loves me hahaha.

so goodbye for now, i wish i could get a chance with her soon, and see me change from an AFC (average frustrated guy) to a real AG (attractive guy) but not an arrogant type, more like the approachable one, so my quote for the day,..

"life is all about balance, our existence stands in a thread between tragedies and glory over a circus theme show, it's like a 30 seconds circus freak show, great, fun but short"

change part 1

2009-11-14T09:04:00.000-08:00

i am planning to change my entire life, i wanna be a good player, and a party boy, the kind that many will actually like, i wanna be good at something for myself, i am dying inside because of reserved-ness, i wanna be cool and random, i wanna change.

my plans are simple these are:

lose the damn fat belt.
be dangerous and cool.
be an alpha (that doesn't provoke, but attract.)
be confident and life of a party.
and successful at school.

these are attainable if i only train hard, and right now i'm working out to lose weight, im skipping dinner, and lifting weights with lots of cardio work-out i want a new routine, i wanna be a dancer too, sheeze to many things to change, please i'll post things if there are results, but you guys have to promise me to POSITIVELY SUPPORT ME!, help a man here. thanks!

love drunked part 1

2009-11-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

sheez!.. first secret to tell, technically type... geez.. anyhow, this is me writing about my life, this is putting emphasis on my love life that bothers me, i liked a girl at school another unique one, who goes by the name (are you freaking kidding me?!), she was pretty, slim and cool, i like her way of handling herself, she was everything a girl could be, a very modest one, funny but not humorous type, and so unique, so i hit her and it was effective, she didn't play, or is it just me thinking that way.

my days of thinking about her was great, i had a couple of fun as i think of it, and i got my confidence back, i never thought that this kind of feeling will reach my wasted <3 again, you know the feeling of having a nice new love song that massages your face gently, whispering your mind to bring joy at everything you do, making you feel to do something to feel it more, the kind of feeling that even the world doesn't matter anymore, yeah i was love drunk and the more you build it the more pain it will cause you if that individual that you like turned you down, but like what i have jst said, none of it matters now, i was fond thinking only of her me, and food, sheez!.

unfortunately the bitch turned me down, it turns out that she was already taken, i can't compete with that, heck! she was perfect but if she likes someone else i can't compete with that individual, i hate this feeling, ghed, every good feeling i had became stupidity in front of me, every detail about that girl made me look like a fool, being ambitious and everything, and i can't deal with it sheesh, nut i got pass through that now, hell i want to relive the kind of bond we made because i feel childish whenever we avoid each other, but as everybody say, "maybe it's for the best", i think maybe it is, damn! they are right again, fu^k the. all i can do now is stare at her elusive face, the face that made a fool out of me, sheez, she will regret this... fukc i'll show them. 2 words.... THE GAME

FIND ME RIZA! haha

2009-11-10T04:47:00.000-08:00

my friend wants to look for this site, and she curses me for hiding it.
well if she finally found this site i'll be glad, but there is nothing in here, i want to write a secret here but my time is so hectic, it's pretty long to put it in here but don't worry i'll try to type it here for the mean time, i am working out now, can someone please, if you ever find this blog write a comment about an effective diet. haha hey riza! the answers on my clues that i have you are:

1. it's the ipod, the name of my ipod (she named hers so i gave mine too) is antipara.
2. blogspot find me there, put the first words backwards, it's hard to miss for blogspot is a prestigious site.

i expect you to find me tonight, well cheers if you have found me!

what makes someone to be a somebody?

2009-11-09T07:07:00.001-08:00

i am annoyed for some reason that i can't really explain, this is about some people that i can't seem to find a way to put my hands on, these wack-Os has always find a way to slip away from my serious grip.
i feel so naive just by remembering these individuals, the hatred, the frustrations and all this shit to put burden to my heavy weight life, i know people has problems too, but hey!, i have to blow up some steam too, it irritates me just by observing them consume my patients, respect and concern, watching them as they make me look like shit and doesn't give a damn putting me back together, i want to find the kind of help that i really needed.
i know shit about company, i know how to party and how to be a great friend, but it seems nobody really cares about me, heck i think they don't even know my name ever existed, but that's for them to decide, time will come that i will be on my life's throne and laying my sight before them all, in their face of disbelief and flabbergast, i will be smiling and dying to ask them this "have you ever noticed me like that before?" mark my words, i will change, i will be a better man, better friend, better party boy, and a better son.

so... let's answer the thing that i have ask, what really makes someone be a somebody?? is it because of permanence turned into change? does change makes everyone love you? this is f++k up! sheesh... good night

" live with people and you'll end up in inevitable chaos in the quest for their own sake, live alone and you'll end up living your life to the fullest."

tired of shit.

2009-11-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

I took this shot from a hospital and this picture kind of reminds me of the video of "ciudad" the one called "Friday afternoon", a very "siesta-mic" song which makes you calm and want to eat lunch or eat as if it's lunch and sleep like most of us do in the afternoon.

Anyway, life is full of shit and I'm sick and tired of people asking me to do shit for them, i want to stand up for my own, i want to fail to discover better things, and try to be stupid just to know why it is called stupid, i need a life. I need to live some part of it for myself because it needs me, i need myself. But now i grew tired of piling their shit, as bob T. at "school of scoundrel" said, "men do not beg he takes it", maybe i should do this for a change i have failed half of my life so far, and maybe this is the time i was waiting for so long and i don't think i should let people should take it from me.

Now i realize, i was born to be unique, i may not be cool but i can still be cool, like tom cruise said from a book made by neil strauss "The Game", "don't stop thinking that way, I'm telling you because i know it's cool!", something like that..

yeah i read the book, made me stand up as a man, i read that book to be successful for my life in wise man's way, i look up to those guys, they are awesome and i want to know more about PUA. someday maybe i will.

uhm-pee-saw

2009-11-06T06:33:00.000-08:00

wow, cool i have a blog now, and i can spoil my mind on telling my issues secrets and craziness, there so many things for me to type, and i don't even know where to start, i mean i wanna change my layout but i have no idea how to do that, i feel like i bought a house with really thinking at first, well, i made this and guess i have to make this one good, should i release this to the public? i feel small, but atleast no one can find my shit here, and if there are some strangers here, feel free to read, i only post some thoughts about innovative things, which includes PU, life, and something cool at school and this country, mind you my life is cool with it's bumps, i just wanna occupy my part from the world hihihi, enough shit let's blog, add me screw ups!