the tragic of my episode with you

first time i saw you i said she is cute, with the smile that can tremble me down.
with the eyes that see my insides that burst like the ones in the movies that makes me happy.
you got all the qualities that i ever wanted to anyone in this world.
you made me forgot about my self and go on have fun with you.
but mistakes are scattered like air and that makes this fucked up.
i only made one mistake that leads everything so super bitter.
and that was loving you.
sure i do love everytime we are together.
i never asked of someone like you in my life but i ended up treasuring you and you did the same.
we didn't really love each other because we made a pact to not to.
but everything you did was like luring me to have you.
it was like you wanted me to...
you already ruined me, but i pressed on with it..
why did you have to do it again??...
i want to forget you but you fill my world about you.
and now everytime i wake, my day reminds me of you.
i can't give you love like what all of those people can give.
all i'm capable of doind is make you feel good again or happy
i am the caretaker of your vulnerable heart.
but you kept on giving it to someone else....
i like you, you like me and you need me.
i like you needing me to like you to need you
now i need you.. and now you don't need me...
i guess this means goodbye.

sorry for this pathetic things that i posted people.. nobody wants to hear it kasi.. goonmorning i have to sleep now.

poem shit

*tama na*

sa pinto ng kotse nakatingin habang dinadaanan ng mga ilaw sa labas,
sa isip naman nakatanga habang bumibilis ang oras,
sa gitna ng madilim na kalye
sa loob ng tumatakbong kotse,
punyeta saan ba ako tatanga?
para lang makalimutan ka.

mahirap pumikit dahil mukha mo nakikita ko,
mahirap tumawag dahil naaawa na ako sa sarili ko,
bakit ba tuwing may tutunog sa telepono,
ipinapanalangin ko na boses mo maririnig na tono.
di ko na gusto ang trip ng puso ko,
puro paawa na di ko naman talaga gusto.

pagbaba sa kotse,
sabay tingin sa bintana ng bahay,
wala ng oras para umatubili,
kumabig sa dibdib naglalantang gulay,
lumabas ka sa pintong nasa harap ko.
sa loobloob ko ang sabi ko "putang ina ko"
pero nandyan ka na..
masaya at tamang ganda..
simple at nakakatuwa.
nakakainis na nakakatawa.
matsatsaga ba kita?
maayos na ulit ang lahat...
sa pinagiisip ng hirap,
at sa dinami-daming magandang alaala.
ang pagiisip ng mga ganito? ewan ko.
mas importante ka tama na.

here in my room :(

I made a commitment awhile ago, and that was about my hopes of achieving most of my achievements before i end up being lonely.

i was devastated about my life lately, i can't seem to find where i last saw my fun drive. i kept on having these sudden thoughts about why shouldn't i be happy or something, i can't really explain it but it gets me down all the time.

i guess what really gets me down is the idea that i can't really get what i want even if the whole road to my goal is easy. my mind is keeping me from easy things and wants me to walk to the hardest and i guess both the peculiar path and hard level tends to bring me failure which is kind of the reason that gets me down. but i figured that if i keep on hoping inside myself that the world might change someday maybe, just maybe i will be alright and fit well on this so-called "beautiful world".

many of my friends doesn't really understand me, believe me i don't really mind. because for starters i always believe that there is really something wrong on how i show my true self. it might be because i'm really that weird inside my thoughts. second is all about my ability to hide my opinion on things. it's like they don't really know why and how i care about things and to be honest it's more than they think it is.

but tonight i'm giving my life one more chance, i'm restarting my whole life and approach every obstacles with one step at a time, i maybe a failure now but, nobody said we can't restart our lives, i'm gonna start over and leave everything behind except every experience that might come very handy. and instead of being a good PUA alone, i'll be a great PUA with a background of BU mastery! tell me ain't that be greaT!? well time is up, i have to go... ill post something shortly!

today, tomorrow, yesterday

i'm dumb-founded, i was mocked with everything that i was hoping. it turns out that the truth that was moved in-front of me was devastating. i can't handle this thing anymore and i think it's for my sake to end my soft side for her. i can't tolerate this prolonged hopelessness. she was to great for my, too much sometimes it hurts. :(

she is cool and understood everything that i told her, she listens to me and i love everytime she predicts every word i utter though it's completely wrong (which is hilarious). i like how she stares at something that she really like and then gets it while all she did was say that she wish she have it. i love how she makes faces when she is confused or got irritated, i like how she sing things that is completely out of tune, and how she likes a person so much that sometimes it hurts. i hate it when she doesn't consider me as a friend though i'm always available to help her. i hate it when she is still shy whenever i'm offering my services for her (school stuff don't think weird). I hate her one time when she told someone else about someone who it thought that it was me (because of the similarities) but it turns out some freaky guy. if there is one thing that i super duper hate about her is that she makes things that will always make me remember her.

she is the reason why i change, she made me take things at risk so that i'll know what it feels like to love this cruel but always right (yeah right) world. but i shoukd have known better. the world doesn't make a sense to agitated people like me. i found it at it's worst, i should have seen it in a very simple and appreciative side, like how a fool does. *sigh*

anyhow, i'll try to forget this shitty ass girl, even if it takes me a long time. hell from where i came from this is nothing compare to CDx (from which i failed! thanks to that smart ass perky sneaky b!tch!) *sigh* damn... i wish this ends now, i'm tired of pretending to be okay with this kind of life. my life is like the movie rocket science.......... BUMMER

cross out the fucking yes man list!

i just realized that i have this certain disease that can't seem to fail me to drive my self esteem and my desires to a maximum level. i have this kind of thing that can convert my shity side into something powerful and unstoppable... i think.

i hate when i realize that what i have been doing was wrong.. i have been desperate, naive and self-fish.. but for now on, i will keep on changing... heck i don't need people for me to live... i can live on without them. my life has it's own limits, though i have met them, i don'thave plans on giving up for myself, once i'm done repairing myself, i will be happy soon, not sinistrous plan, but with faith in me. that was what i'm lacking of.

i will be okay soon... i promise.... this is for you man on the mirror...

love drunk part 3

have you ever been sad before? hey can i an be emo for awhile? it's been years since i last sung my heart and mind out... can't find a perfect time to express myself these days because i have been busy making others spit there misery out by having a laugh trip time with them.

I have never been okay, my mind wants to rest from all that mind games of hiding this "rot bag"; i asked if you have been sad because i want you to relate with me, not the kind of something emo sad i want you to be sad for nothing and the reason from this thread, which is something frustrating to think about with no obvious answers. i asked because like everyone else and like my title says it's a love related thingy.

why can't i be contented with what i have right now. though i'm lacking of something to put
beside my fingers, though i'm not hugging someone, though i'm not spending the rest of my time texting a special someone, though i'm not happy, though these things makes a melancholy vibe to myself but i accept everyone who will laugh about this.

i help people out from of there misery, i kept on telling them "how can that person love you if you don't love yourself, it's hard to fill a broken bucket. love means you love the same thing, if that person loves you, love yourself too. it will make them easier to love you and make them feel good about themselves." but how can i be like that if i can't even have an inspiration to do so? it's not like i'm asking to much, but it's been years of hiding. i have been strong but not long enough to reach the other end of my dark time. and it goes to show that i messed up big time, it's pathetic but rational for us to ask for help when it's been long after you fell at the cold cruel floor.

if there's anyone who could cheer me, will that be because i put this thing here? you guys must be laughing your ass off (which i will probably do so after a long time) but this is the only thing i know to put a helping for myself. like in a war i am like the noob guy who always get most of the shots but still live to get some more the next day. naive as you call it, atleast i made your time well spent...

thanks for the effort...

profound solution to all of my problems

i'm 20 yrs old play safe dude who is dying to have some fun, and this thrive has been diverted to food. I do not blame myself nor anything that has brought me down to my size. I believe it's only natural to go for the second best. Many people blame themselves whenever they commit mistakes. some changes to passive into aggressive type of people, few of them just walks away and let go, and others makes a total non-sense of themselves like me but this is the end of it all.

Im developing something profound that even i does not totally understand. i'm testing my project to everyone. it does not project harm or show stress. it's like a verbal-non verbal drug which is given by action, reacts by respond and results to something that i don't know... i haven't totally tested it yet. but i have managed to gather some facts about it.

Anyway i notice my body have changed. im not fat anymore, i'm fat-macho now. but im losing lbs too, this christmas i was able to lose 3 lbs but that was before noche bueno,. (i know right my weight is now i think screwed again.) but the best thing i had this year is the idea that will changed me forever... i'm slowly becoming new. both physical and mental, i hope this is good though