rendering love

i wondered a lot of things everyday... i have tried stopping them from reaching me in my most sensible side but.. most of the time i fail. i keep things because i know that i am the one who will have the answer just by keeping something from the past, but the problem now is i've kept so many that i can't make space for the new ones. i am not a bad guy and i know that to my heart cause with it since forever.



when i was still small, i used to believe that my life is written that i am intended to step on something because it was written by destiny as if i didn't had a choice, so that is why i kept on denying my everymove and start being unpredictable. i was like a dog chasing trucks and i don't even know what to do if i caught one. i was in the early era of my playful weird creative mind, i made a world that everything is fair. it was cool, because i always wanted the best, i always aim high yet obvious don't do as much as the goals needed to be accomplished. i got girls that i saw seemed interested but i gave them disappointments because i was weird and didn't gave a fuck HAHAHA, yet still i found so many of them yet so little. I've manage to find a satisfying few girls but gave up my chances. and ill blind item them :D (warning this is not in order)



1.) Knives chau (yep she looked like a chinese girl) knives was suprisingly entertaining. we loved to try things with or withour our parents discouragement. she helped me try things that seemed impossible for me to do. when we were little i remembered we've played with something that we shouldn't be playing hahaha but i had a blast and that was the last time i saw her.



2.) Tifa (yep FF) tifa was so white with that graceful long hair and charming smile and eyes oh god i miss having a crush on her. she was the love of my gradeschool life but i had to be martyr and gave her up as well. im just a fan of her beauty back then and yep nothing happened between her and i, well yeah nothing.



3.) Bookworm ( don't let her code name fool you, she is beautiful) i was at my era of noobness in music, i was obsess about her and yep i did crazily obsessive things, but i've managed to stop i didn't know how but yeah those were regrets, but i am pretty thankful for i now knew how it feels like to be rejected big time.



4.) black chic (gothic) she was so random yet so weird. i'm a little weird myself but she was.,.. Bizaare..O.O but i loved her, we got a discreet love that for me was there, but she got over it i guess.. and i seriously regret not courting her. i wish i did.



5.) psychopath (yes she was) i loved her perhaps more than i think. she was my first success and i was grateful. but she left me for something or for someone. i don't know. but no one can replace what she gave me... a love that i didn't ask to be that great :D



6.) Ice Bitch (because she is freaking numb) well yeah we got involve with love, and ofcourse little that she knew i was falling for her. i was interested about different songs and she was there to listen to the noise of the world to find a good one with me. i was famished when she left me, its like she got me so high i can barely feel the pain she gave me, after the high all pain came and made everysingle song in my phone and mp3 deadly.



7.) boozequeen (alcohol) yep i found love with alcohol, i've established every love story have in one night. the next thing i knew she was... a different type of wo-man... i was this <.> close from being happy and thought having a kiss but yeah... four days later no reply nothing.



8.) amazona (yep macho pretty woman) she was the reason i always get up at four in the morning to see her at the bus and stare at her face, she looks like matilda :D and she was so fun just like matilda! XD



9.) that chic (yep average) this one is a catch, if you don't have problems with bouncing balls i guess, she got me having a traumatic experience about love and frustration was felt everyday.. i was inlove with an emo.. i was happy with her but she was a hard nut to love, plus she is one those girls that i wish i did better courting than i did with her.


that's all i can think of now... but yeah there's a hell lot more.