So i got deeper on this deep shit?

i can never be the same man i was before right after i met her, she got me so high she gets through my head almost every minute, and when i'm dull and idle she gets in my head like she's the owner of it. i kind of like in the first phase but it fucking hurt me when i got in the second and third phase, and i wish i'm in my terminal phase about her.

so what does she got that made me crazily obsess about her?, is it her hair that moves anywhere she wants them to be? or is it her pale white skin that i makes her look like a cool gothic chic?, her cool nails of many colors like a mood ring? her cute sweeet gestures whenever she walks by to someone she knew? her great smile and laughter when she's with me, the small conversation and wierd stuff we did (not the other wierd stuff, comon?!) that only two of understood?, or the things i desperately shared and she reacted to me like i totally made no sense but it was cool cause for some reason she made sense to me... she really rocked my world and with that she was one in a million for me, yes of course there is a lot of girls out there that might make me drool or act of fool in front of them, but she is pretty something. there were times that i needed her and she needed me, i offered a few things and she offered a lot of things too. (i should ban green minded people) i totally appreciate the things that made me honored to be noticed by her, and for no one has broken a lot of walls and stop signs in my territory of solitude.

what happened? hmmm.. let's just say i don't really understand, i planned of confessing and giving her hints about what i think we were building, but... i don't know, maybe its just me, maybe i was too vulnerable for her that i thought our hands were coming all together. i never thought i'd be this emotional about it. she keeps on displaying her likes about other people her sweet finds about others which is completely not me, no resemblance no nothing, i was like chopping onions man, the more i chop and chop and see more chopped onions the more eye soring for me, there's a handfull of times that signaled for a perfect timing, i good opportunity. but i always choked because of her numbness on me and sensitivity to other men. i was obsess-drunk about her, she was playful she was like a wisp or a fairy that played me. but since men got pride i displayed her that everything is fine about me, and things that you deliver will be properly recognized, and in the end of it all, all i got was a heartache and and eyesored memory, me being alone and her being in a relationship.

what i'm anticipating and plans?, i got no plans... im giving up, i can't wait because that's pathetic, i can't fight because there is no more to fight for, and i can't be with her that long for her to realize things. i hate myself being this way, totally vulgar but can't do shit about it, my hindrance is myself and my motivation is coming out from a brokenheart. i got drunk so many times that i even made a fool out of me, tried to restart my diet and workout but im too weak to do it, im broken, damaged and pathetic. and if i would want to find another girl who would want a personality like that??? Imaginary girls!.... (sigh) the bottom line for me to give to you guys and girls... hmmm.. take the experiences that chance gave you, there's nothing wrong to try nad give your best on it, and be merry for whatever it is... it's epic and awesome. and for her, (i'm thinking that she maight read this shit.) i think i'm starting to be happy for you, and i'll promise i wont do anything fishy around you and i'll promise not to anticipate anything and i want you to know that for me, thanks for making my world bearable I love you and yes buy me the damn drink already! and for myself.... instead of value-ing this failure.. i guess i should move on, and be awesome again and save this tears for someone else now.. like knives chau said "i'm too cool for you anyway so go now ...bitch HAHAHA joking try to understand HAHAHAH XD