today, tomorrow, yesterday

i'm dumb-founded, i was mocked with everything that i was hoping. it turns out that the truth that was moved in-front of me was devastating. i can't handle this thing anymore and i think it's for my sake to end my soft side for her. i can't tolerate this prolonged hopelessness. she was to great for my, too much sometimes it hurts. :(

she is cool and understood everything that i told her, she listens to me and i love everytime she predicts every word i utter though it's completely wrong (which is hilarious). i like how she stares at something that she really like and then gets it while all she did was say that she wish she have it. i love how she makes faces when she is confused or got irritated, i like how she sing things that is completely out of tune, and how she likes a person so much that sometimes it hurts. i hate it when she doesn't consider me as a friend though i'm always available to help her. i hate it when she is still shy whenever i'm offering my services for her (school stuff don't think weird). I hate her one time when she told someone else about someone who it thought that it was me (because of the similarities) but it turns out some freaky guy. if there is one thing that i super duper hate about her is that she makes things that will always make me remember her.

she is the reason why i change, she made me take things at risk so that i'll know what it feels like to love this cruel but always right (yeah right) world. but i shoukd have known better. the world doesn't make a sense to agitated people like me. i found it at it's worst, i should have seen it in a very simple and appreciative side, like how a fool does. *sigh*

anyhow, i'll try to forget this shitty ass girl, even if it takes me a long time. hell from where i came from this is nothing compare to CDx (from which i failed! thanks to that smart ass perky sneaky b!tch!) *sigh* damn... i wish this ends now, i'm tired of pretending to be okay with this kind of life. my life is like the movie rocket science.......... BUMMER

cross out the fucking yes man list!

i just realized that i have this certain disease that can't seem to fail me to drive my self esteem and my desires to a maximum level. i have this kind of thing that can convert my shity side into something powerful and unstoppable... i think.

i hate when i realize that what i have been doing was wrong.. i have been desperate, naive and self-fish.. but for now on, i will keep on changing... heck i don't need people for me to live... i can live on without them. my life has it's own limits, though i have met them, i don'thave plans on giving up for myself, once i'm done repairing myself, i will be happy soon, not sinistrous plan, but with faith in me. that was what i'm lacking of.

i will be okay soon... i promise.... this is for you man on the mirror...

love drunk part 3

have you ever been sad before? hey can i an be emo for awhile? it's been years since i last sung my heart and mind out... can't find a perfect time to express myself these days because i have been busy making others spit there misery out by having a laugh trip time with them.

I have never been okay, my mind wants to rest from all that mind games of hiding this "rot bag"; i asked if you have been sad because i want you to relate with me, not the kind of something emo sad i want you to be sad for nothing and the reason from this thread, which is something frustrating to think about with no obvious answers. i asked because like everyone else and like my title says it's a love related thingy.

why can't i be contented with what i have right now. though i'm lacking of something to put
beside my fingers, though i'm not hugging someone, though i'm not spending the rest of my time texting a special someone, though i'm not happy, though these things makes a melancholy vibe to myself but i accept everyone who will laugh about this.

i help people out from of there misery, i kept on telling them "how can that person love you if you don't love yourself, it's hard to fill a broken bucket. love means you love the same thing, if that person loves you, love yourself too. it will make them easier to love you and make them feel good about themselves." but how can i be like that if i can't even have an inspiration to do so? it's not like i'm asking to much, but it's been years of hiding. i have been strong but not long enough to reach the other end of my dark time. and it goes to show that i messed up big time, it's pathetic but rational for us to ask for help when it's been long after you fell at the cold cruel floor.

if there's anyone who could cheer me, will that be because i put this thing here? you guys must be laughing your ass off (which i will probably do so after a long time) but this is the only thing i know to put a helping for myself. like in a war i am like the noob guy who always get most of the shots but still live to get some more the next day. naive as you call it, atleast i made your time well spent...

thanks for the effort...