segue of the reminded

have you ever felt so weak dirty and fallen?? and that kind of thing that you know that you have the strength to do it, but there is no kick with it to do it? i fail because i think and feel nobody cares, and nobody cares because i always fail... i tried redirecting but no... it got me stuck in the things i don't want to do.. i stick with friends but they make me so sad.... and nobody understands me... they tried pulling this thing from me... but i'm afraid of losing from this... but where infact i already lost.... i want help, i want attention, i want someone whose going to show me effort that liking me is important... my parents never trust me, my cousins i are so distant yet we try to get along... me and my brothers and sisters are not that close... i mean i can see that we value our friends than we have inside that house filled with abuse and hate. i am trapped in a world where i am becoming into someone with no future... i wish someone could save me... i want to live in a family where there is love and trust... i want to be there for my little boys or/and little girls. i will make a family which is the exact opposite of this. i know there something stuck in my head that asking me "why am i trying to be perfect? yet you knew that nobody can be perfect?", but i know deep in my heart that nobody said there a harm on trying.. i wish that inspiration will come soon... i guess we really need love......... and i need it now... and it can't wait any further.